But This Woman Is…

 

Upon seeing the word “Island” on yesterday’s Daily Prompt, my mind instantly went to Paris Geller from Gilmore Girls. She couldn’t handle the pressures of being the Yale Daily News’ editor but thought the problems lay in the other staff members. The more she struggled, the more fault she found in others and took on more of their responsibilities. Rory told Paris that she couldn’t do it alone, that Paris had scheduled too much work for one person in too little time. Paris’ response was, “I’ve been doing it alone for months…

No man is an island, but this woman is.” ~Gilmore Girls

A person has autonomy when he or she can determine what to do and act on it independently. When she can be an island.

After a divorce, you have to reflect on who you were, who you are, and who you want to become. For me, I realized I had allowed myself to depend heavily on my ex-husband. Before I had married him, though maybe not completely autonomous, I knew how to take care of myself and get things done. And then I had a partner. When I started to suffer from anxiety and depression, I wasn’t alone. I had someone I could lean on. Someone who could pick me up when I fell.

When we divorced, I just kept falling. Medication has helped, but it hasn’t fixed everything. Maybe I need to adjust my dose. But what I really want to do is learn to be autonomous. Use the medication to take off the edge, but do the real work myself. Every day I give myself little goals, whether it’s something like pay my bills or force myself to go out of the house. And it’s not always easy. I still cry. I still hurt. But I have the desire to make an effort now to work on myself; to learn how to cope; to learn how to take care of myself so that I can be my own island.