When you’re married, you chose to take one of two paths: stay the course or change directions. Sometimes, when we change directions, we can take paths that diverge us but connect our paths later on. Other times, we stay parted and find other bodies of water to connect with- whether that be finding a new partner or spending the journey alone. Either way, we have no choice but to flow on, even when we hit barriers.
I’ve hit many barriers over these past few months. Each time, drifting, not choosing a course. It’s the only way I could really handle this situation. Every barrier hit me harder than the last. Tomorrow, I’ll hit another barrier. The final barrier.
I’m moving my stuff out of our apartment.
Somehow, this feels even more final than going to court for the divorce. Court certainly made it feel more real- but as I anticipate this oncoming barrier, I can’t see anything ahead. No more ties to him. We don’t have children. We’ve divided our money. We separated our car insurance, etc. And now I’m removing my stuff from our home. I have no other reason to stay anchored.
And so now I must venture on my own journey. It’s scary. I have so many paths ahead and yet I’m not sure which to take. I think for now, my Voyage won’t have a destination. Just a journey. I’ll pick up the pieces of my broken ship and rebuild, keeping in mind where I might go once I find it in me to set sail.